The fear of becoming
What he didn’t want to be
Seeming in any way similar
To the one person
Who he most tried
To be unlike
Had always kept him centered
On a straight and narrow
Somehow he thought this
Despite all the addictions
All the ruined relationships
Pain, suffering, and depression
That the most important thing
The ethical treatment
Of one particular person
Made him good
And not evil
The realization that perhaps
His initial idea
Had been flawed
All along struggling
For an ideal
That was only a game
Caused all understanding
From that point and before
To unravel
Until nothing was left
Pulling together a mess
That could never be organized
As it once was
He began constructing
New ideas
Ever changing
Without rigid rules
Or societal norms
Having any influence
And ending up
Finding himself again
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