The PT idea this week was change. I could go on aspects of that topic for years and not run out of things to say. I am going to try to keep it short and then the poem.
The biggest changes I have made in the past five years are stopping being a user and stopping falling into that same old dating routine that left me as used garbage in a dumpster I didn't belong in. Some would call it, becoming a man and not taking any more crap. Others would say that I decided not to keep my heart so obviously open to anything. Yet more might say I just grew up. I like all three, but the last one makes the most sense.
I went to college thinking it would make me grow up, but the reality is I was more prepared for life out of high school than I ever was during or after college. I am still working my way backwards to the responsible teenager I was when I made straight A's, was a virgin, and didn't drink, smoke, or do anything at all illegal. College was the change that almost ruined my life, but the education was nice despite my lack of respect for myself and others, and now I am back where I started, but with more knowledge. I digress...
The change was her
Laying my eyes on her
Her features soft and guarded
Her eyes open and weary
Her bangs
The one thing I had to change
I refused the bangs
Yet now, I realize
I changed her
I made her something she wasn't
And it may have been the wrong choice
Following her for three years
Back and forth from school
Home for summers and then gone
Every time I got used to something
It changed
But I grew stronger
Took my time and really got to know her
And my love
Which developed so quickly
Made me kick the habit that was killing me
Not killing me slowly
Killing me fast
It could have happened any minute
Without her even knowing
But I am alive
So obviously I changed
Then another change
I gained the courage to tell her
About the habit
Something I thought
I would never be able to do
Next I survived a car crash
When I should have died
Broken neck, broken leg,
Totalled car
Jaws of life pulling it apart
To rescue me
Again I changed
Began to put forth effort
For bettering myself
So I could go back to work
So I could be a whole person
Something I never cared about without her
But now seemed so imperative
Many more followed
And each day still has choices
Each one with a chance for change
But the definitive change of my life
Was choosing to marry her
And regardless of what changed from that point on
For better or for worse
To stay together forever
10 comments:
i have to say
your writing today
really hit home with me
because i think
that perhaps
we may have some similarities
in our past...
or at least in the past
spoken of in this writing.
i especially like the
detail of the bangs...
that was another thing
that seems a small detail
but brought back
a sudden pang
of memories for me.
:)
Sounds like some congratulations are in order for all the great changes since college, and for rewiring the brain that got short-circuited with the alcohol.
My poem today is about women's fashion change.
i agree with gkgirl. The bangs were a very intimate touch.
When I first met my husband I had short hair. We parted, I grew my hair long. When we reunited, I cut it all off, to show him surrender, not to him, but to us.
very nice.
I hope that you let her read this - or read it to her. Such a lovely and personal testament to love and to change.
OMG! I wrote each of you a nice little speech basically and stupid blogger lost it all so I will just say thanks, I told her, and I appreciate the encouragment, and oh yeah-I hate alcohol and always have, it was a much more serious vice than that.
I feel like I got to know you better by reading this post. It is brave of you to share so much of yourself in your work.
Very powerful and personal.
I like this self reflection kind of poetry, dwelling, questioning and accepting. The real, everyday part makes it very good.
We covet change yet we don't like it. We don't want change yet wish for it. Paradox of life!
gautami
Transposition.
I don't really know how to put my comments into words, so I'll just say I love you and that was beautiful.
Chris, that was wonderful!
I'm glad everything turned out so beautifully for you.
I don't know you personally, but I'm sure you deserve all this and more! :)
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