I get that sinking feeling
Because I am me
I love to put my foot in my mouth
That look I get from my wife
Or my mom
When I have really messed up
And I don't really know it
Until that exact second
I get that sinking feelings
When I check the bank balance
And realize the shopping spree
That I thought was okay
Wasn't the first one this week
And now that both have posted
I have overdrawn
And I am in debt
With more crap I don't need
And sometimes I don't even want
I just wanted one thing
To spend
I get that sinking feeling on days like today
When I am looking forward to something special
Where I will be far from the "center" of attention
But it's somewhat about me
And then it's all awkward
Because someone else is invited
At the last minute
And I don't find out
Until I am waiting in the parking lot
And the phone rings
I listen to a CD in the car
And realize every track
Is just a reminder of high school
And how all the people I tried to help
That I thought were complete losers
Just went through a phase earlier
And less serious
Than the one I went through in college
I find out that an old friend
Who wasn't close to me, but none the less a friend
Has gotten married, had a child, and...
Now has Lou Garik's Disease
Might not live out the year
And will never see her child grow up
And I chose to go to work
Rather than visit her
With everyone else
Now I am going to sink into bed
And try to forget this day
All the stupid things I did
Getting jealous and angry
Without a just cause
Spending sprees
Negative thoughts
Negative songs
Negative everything
And the worst sinking feeling
The knowledge that tomorrow will just be another day
And I will no longer care about any of it
7 comments:
Chris, that seems like another personal statement about you. You know it and accept yourself the way you are. We all get into that introspective mode and do find ourselves out of that maze. I am going through it myself.
Thanks for your visit. It does not matter if you can't for a while. I do check you in when I can. I agree, blogging can wait. Paying of bills can't.
Just don't worry about that right now.
Whew! That was long!
just another day in paradise ... life is like that... none of it sounds like it will come back to haunt you.. you are here,,and you are well enough to write about it...
sleep it off and try again tomorrow...
sorry you had a day from hell....
I can so relate to those horrible days when we feel so inadequate and hard on ourselves...I loved this post because you showed yourself to be so real, so flawed, so human...just like each and every one of us! I hope this bad day will be followed by a good one.
I definitely relate to those sinking feelings of regret. They usually hit me first thing in the morning when I think about how I wasted yesterday and want today to be better.
I actually got chills reading this, because of how raw it was. I'm sorry you had such a crap day! Here's to tomorrow being better!
Oh yeah. I've lived too many days like that . . . sinking into multiple dunkings.
Thank goodness for the silent nights that relieve those sinking feelings, at least momentarily!
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