I found a lot of great lines. Haven't decided how I am going to use them all in some sort of poem because it sounds really difficult. I may just have to do multiple poems, which is fine. I will be back on here periodically with lines or updates...
My choices were:
Megan but we're used to it
Brian under endless skies she wore white
Moonmaid suddenly vivid in a world of lucid dreams
Beamon trapped in shadowed box of inequity
Pumpkin Doodle It smells nothing like rain
Sara trapped in the frame of an old photograph
Jillypoet if I hold my breath
Well, an hour later I have a poem using all of the quotes, although at least one is modified. I had to insert an "a" into Beamon's quote for it to fit. For anyone thinking of doing this-it is a bad idea and makes for sad poetry. I know now these were not meant to go together.
Title: A typical day at church as a pre-teen
I often wondered...
If I hold my breath long enough, (JillyPoet)
My favorite game during all sermons during my youth
Using just a stopwatch
And the knowledge that any movement used up air,
Would I become trapped in a box of inequity? (Beamon)
Would the world completely change ?
Or would I still be trapped in the frame of an old photograph (Sara)
Left lingering to open my eyes to the same place
Finding only seconds had passed
Yet I had blocked out all the sound,
The preacher's babble became silent,
And my sight was suddenly vivid in a world of lucid dreams (MoonMaid)
Where lightning bolts crashed through the stain glassed windows
And rain poured into the church mixing with glass and light
Causing prisms of color to rainbow throughout.
What I would now compare to a strong drug hallucination,
From simple lack of oxygen to the brain.
Usually when I awoke
Or was picked up by my mother after passing out,
I expected the sweet smell of rain
But I realized that it wasn't real.
It smells nothing like rain. (Pumpkin Doodle)
Those sitting close by muttered to and fro to newcomers
Asking how they could put up with my obvious lack of respect.
"But we're used to it" they answered. (Megan)
Speaking of my reputation for ignoring the service and passing out.
And afterwards I watched the girls,
My favorite part of all.
Walking out of the exit to see her,
Under endless skies she wore white. (Brian)
16 comments:
this made me smile and reminded me of going to church when I was young.
I didn't like visiting temples when I was younger. Not that I was ever forced to.
I too smiled reading this..
I love this poem Chris because all the lines work so well. I sense a restlessness and disharmony from you the poet, which shows in the words.
Rose
xo
We didn't go to church much, a handful of times, but we do remember feeling puzzled as to why we had to be quiet.
I liked your saga. :)
Reminds me of alot of Sunday mornings. Thanks for the wild ride using all the different lines.
Briand and Rose, I am so glad you decided to stop in and read this childhood story turned into poetry. I don't doubt every line of it could have been true in some way. To this day I can hold my breath a long time, all because of church. Church really makes me restless and I now HATE being quiet.
Pat, I am glad you enjoyed the ride. I'm waiting for someone who loved church as a child.
Chris, this is a smart and vivid poem! I've been having church/religion on my mind and heart a lot lately, so I appreciate your take!
Religion via spirituality is always on my mind, however church is not unless I am reading my bumber sticker. "If going to church makes you Christian, Does going to a garage make you a car?" I love it, it's totally old and most everyone likes all of my political ones better, but it states my views on hypocrisy so clearly. I appreciate your visit. It seems these days all my visits are trade offs. Maybe I need to get more serious about reading. How the hell do people get 25 comments...they must just be better writers.
Well Done You. I really think you rocked this one. I love the girl watching part. You really wove the "borrowed lines in there very well...Though I see more of you poking thru in your own words.
Hi Wendy,
I think you nailed it on the head that more of me is always coming through my own lines than anything borrowed. I think I did the worst with Pumpkin Doodle's line being fitting compared to the others. It was a reach.
I loved seeing how you weaved it all together. It really rang true and took me right to the setting you described.
It still amazes me that you could take a handful of lines having absolutely nothing to do with each other and somehow weave them together into a poem which somehow made sense and told a story! You're not only a poet, but a magician too!
You've drawn an invisible world within that seemingly typical day at church.
The title gives a certain impression of what comes next (that typical church day many of us know o-so-well) but what actually does come next made me smile and grin all the way through the poem.
Lying in Bed
I always found it funny how whenever I went to church, my mind would wonder off towards the sinful thought of the opposite sex as well. It reminds me of how I think when I'm at church. Never on what the pasture is saying. (Unless it's something I disagree with. lol)
anyways, It has been a while since I've posted anything on Poetry Thursday. Allot of what I have been posting has been crap (when compared to some of my older stuff, in my opinion) However, I recently wrote something that I put a good amount of thought into. Please tell me what you think.
Lying in bed
I know the title seems a little ripped off, but I assure you I'm not "lying in bed like Brian Wilson did" lol
Funny how you feel about one line not fitting in as well as others and I felt it stopped me in my tracks just long enough to have a major impact. Well done, most interesting poem.
I used multitple lines as well.
Looks like I am going to have to stop with the breaks on the weekends. I could have really had some cool poems written by today if I had tried harder. Where to begin...
Sara-glad this seemed true and somewhat realistic. I suprise myself sometimes
YOA-perhaps the best compliment. Calling me a Magician. I have a great respect for people that can pull intriguing tricks and illusions in front of crowds. Really appreciate it.
Fragments-I didn't think about how the title might have seemed very sarcastic and ironic when compared to the poem but it does. Thanks for pointing that out. Glad you enjoyed it.
Spaz-I will be sure to check out you're new poem and thanks for the visit. I think all 11-15 and sometimes older age people have sinful thoughts-what is it-every seven seconds. Well, they say it's just boys, but it's a lie!
Marcia-appreciate your visit. I am always excited about someone new coming to the blog. As usual I am going to link you unless you have a problem with it-just let me know. I had a friend tell me that line stuck out in a strange way, but maybe it was just to stop the flow and make one think. Your point is excellent and I will remember it.
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